An open letter to the dude at the gym

Dear sir: You are very annoying. Please stop yelling conversations to the man TWO MACHINES AWAY. He doesn't know you, and clearly doesn't want to. Also do not talk to me, thanks.

-- Sweating uncomfortably, Jenny

So, excluding the weight lifting tools at the gym who are clearly there only to be looked at, the majority of us are there jiggling, sweating, and being otherwise physically unattractive in midexercise. Admirably working toward MORE attractive, but nonetheless.

I hate going to the gym. Once there, I want to work out under the illusion that no one can see my nostrils flare with exertion or the sheen on my forehead. Get in, get out - no interaction, no one to remark, "hey i saw you *looking ridiculous* at the gym *apparently not losing any weight* the other day. Lets talk about your shame!"

When the man finally stopped braying across the room, all the exercisers breathed a collective sigh of relief. At the card table, under the mistaken impression that I'd made it out of the gym blissfully unacknowledged, out of the shadows came the Offender. He repeated himself twice before he penetrated my "not here" bubble, to which I gave him a near horrified "excuse me?"

He made an inane comment, to which I mostly stared blankly, then muttered an obviously forced chuckle before ducking quickly out of the building.

It probably didn't help that he bore a striking resemblance to much-feared and much-ridiculed All My Children villain, Papel (aka David Rasche.) Would YOU want this man hee-hawing at you during exercise?
I thought not.