"It's cool..."

The spirit of Mr. T in every spoonful! More proof to Jason that I can recite a large cache of 80's commercial jingles by heart... Who's got the Colgate pump? We've got the Colgate pump...

Harry Potter: Growing Pains

To critique Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, a septet of Haikus. Spoiler Alert?

More trouble, Harry?
Way to go with Dumbledore.
Call for help next time.

Little Miss Weasley
Potter could do much better.
Where did Cho Chang go?

Dear Hermione,
Do get your act together.
Ron is a hot piece...

More Luna Lovegood!
Coolest wizard at Hogwarts
Harry should hit that.

Trouble is afoot
How did Gollum replicate?
Don't drink my precious...

Yummy half-blood prince
Conflicting, angry wizard
I might love you, Snape.

Next chapter coming
How am I supposed to wait?
Should have read the books.

Leavin' on a jet plane

Quick poll: Armageddon or Deep Impact? Correct answer: Armageddon. A poll almost totally unrelated to the rest of the post, but there we are.

So ANYWAY, yesterday I took Jason and the guys to the airport for their first in a series of business trips to the liberal mecca of the world, San Francisco. Thanks to my careful planning and my rigid adherence to the 'arrive two hours early' rule of navigating airports, we arrived to discover not only were we two and a half hours early, but the flight had been delayed for another hour. Translate: airport party.

DIA has a great-hall full of food and junk shops before you actually go through security, so we swerved into the high-roller short-term parking lot for three hours of airport fun. At first, we tried for the sit-down restaurant. Despite the stale, sticky, beer-laden air of depression the restaurant exuded like a visible haze, the place was packed - so off to the food court with its more appealing blend of stale, sticky, grease-tainted air.

After being accosted three times by a short tsa agent asking what time it was, I raised my clearly watchless arms to him and said it would take ten minutes for me to find the phone in my purse. True to form, I start digging and fumbling awkwardly until the lady in front of me finally gave an exasperated 6:07, leaving me to shrug blankly. Two chicken and cheese ONLY gorditas later, I sat down to unwrap my glorious feast - only to discover it had been doused in some radioactive orange nacho sauce instead of the standard smattering of actual cheese. For someone who gets greatly agitated when two strawberries do not have identical flavorings, this was a near criminal offense.

Later, we toodled about, pointing out various 'Denver'-themed items (dreamcatchers? stuffed yaks wearing jaunty multicolored hats? Painted Horses?) and made our way to the secret porch at the end of the hall to catch the glimmering Colorado sunset. The best times can be had when you least expect them - all depends on the company, I suppose!

"Bank robber cites economy during bank holdup"

Was the robber's name Obama and the bank called America? I think he used the exact same excuse.

Thanks, Houston Chronicle, you made it easy!

I share TOTUS' sentiment

He just couldn't take any more of the lies. After dedicated months of constant service, Obama's dear friend TOTUS is little more than a sorry, demoralized pile of shards.

As Obama referred to the many actions he'd taken since assuming office to preserve* America's status as an economic superpower, TOTUS shook free of his moors, made one final blink, and hurtled himself into nothingness.

At least he has put an end to his part in the propagation of Obama's gilded untruths.

*destroy

Fawning media, exhibit 3,453,456,765+

If this had been Bush, Liberals would've been demanding assault charges by now!

It's nice of the media to make sure we understand that the unflattering Obama photo really ISN'T unflattering. I mean, we wouldn't want to make an American President look bad, gosh! Thanks for clearing things up, ABC.

"On first glance, the snapshot appears to show President Obama caught in a moment of less than lofty analysis. But upon looking at the video, the moment might seem to appear quite innocent -- one of those times when a picture can be misleading. The president was on a higher step and was stepping down -- so he looked down to assure his footing as the woman was walking up the stairs."

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/07/when-in-rome.html

An open letter to the dude at the gym

Dear sir: You are very annoying. Please stop yelling conversations to the man TWO MACHINES AWAY. He doesn't know you, and clearly doesn't want to. Also do not talk to me, thanks.

-- Sweating uncomfortably, Jenny

So, excluding the weight lifting tools at the gym who are clearly there only to be looked at, the majority of us are there jiggling, sweating, and being otherwise physically unattractive in midexercise. Admirably working toward MORE attractive, but nonetheless.

I hate going to the gym. Once there, I want to work out under the illusion that no one can see my nostrils flare with exertion or the sheen on my forehead. Get in, get out - no interaction, no one to remark, "hey i saw you *looking ridiculous* at the gym *apparently not losing any weight* the other day. Lets talk about your shame!"

When the man finally stopped braying across the room, all the exercisers breathed a collective sigh of relief. At the card table, under the mistaken impression that I'd made it out of the gym blissfully unacknowledged, out of the shadows came the Offender. He repeated himself twice before he penetrated my "not here" bubble, to which I gave him a near horrified "excuse me?"

He made an inane comment, to which I mostly stared blankly, then muttered an obviously forced chuckle before ducking quickly out of the building.

It probably didn't help that he bore a striking resemblance to much-feared and much-ridiculed All My Children villain, Papel (aka David Rasche.) Would YOU want this man hee-hawing at you during exercise?
I thought not.